grown-up things.

Sometimes I look around me and I have these moments when I realize that everyone around me is growing up.  I know that sounds like something that deserves to be received by a big “duh” and maybe a flick to the forehead, but I’m serious.  I am wondering, right now, if it ever stops feeling weird to be a grown-up.  No matter how much I try to get used to it, there is always something new.  This is the nature of time I suppose.  Everyday we are faced with a new challenge, and some of these challenges are related to stages of life, and some of them are not.  Things that were okay five years ago are not okay anymore because we are “grown-ups”.  Things that weren’t expected of us yesterday are expected of us today.  I’m not complaining (at the moment); I like a challenge.  I am simply reflecting on the process of human progression. 

I’m grateful that God created us so that we are constantly growing.  We can never look back on our lives and not understand what got us to the place that we are at.  Our experiences, our decisions, even the little ones we make everyday, these are the things that will determine where I will be in ten years.  This is why it is so absolutely necessary to spend everyday growing closer to God.  If, in ten years, I have everything that I “want”, but I have not grown nearer to my Savior, those ten years will have been a waste.  I think that this is why God calls us to “lean not on our own understanding.”  This is not simply because we tend to make bad decisions, although I have made plenty of those.  No,  it is about the core of who we are.  Who do we trust with our lives?  Who’s guidance are we going to take? Who is in the driver’s seat? As the driver of my own life, I may still drive somewhere nice for a while, but I will be millions of miles away from where God wants me to be.  What an awful disillusionment it is to try to be the one in control all the time.

My prayer tonight is that I will be completely encircled in God’s hands and God’s plan.  I pray that the decisions that I make tonight and tomorrow and the next day will not be decisions based on my own common sense or understanding.  Instead, let them come from a completely dependent leaning on God’s words as He speaks into my life, and slowly guides my stubborn heart.

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