My drive to work every morning is probably my favorite part of the day. It’s quiet. There’s coffee. And I am alone with my thoughts, the sunrise, and God. I never feel more overwhelmed by the presence of God than when I see a really breathtaking sunrise. The kind that just screams of otherworldliness at the top of its lungs. The heavens seem to open up in the morning.
Now, of course, there are some mornings when I don’t see any of this. I’m too busy swearing beneath my breath at the car in front of me, or scanning the roads for cops to determine whether or not I truly can go 15 miles over the speed limit, or spilling coffee all over myself, or singing along to some song with meaningless lyrics but a great beat. Some days I really miss that opportunity to set my mind on God and praise Him for the beauty He creates amongst the chaos. I ignore Him for weeks at a time, forget to open the pages of His Word, stop interacting with people in a loving way.
I feel it all happen, and I wonder how I’ve gotten so far from where I was, and then I realize I’ve spent the last month of mornings hectically trying too hard, and I’ve missed the rays of sun shooting through the clouds. I haven’t looked up at the sky at night and noticed how small I am compared to the enormous orchestra of stars playing in the smooth black of the galaxy. I haven’t allowed Jesus to change me through His story or through the Holy Spirit, I’ve resisted through busyness and through sin. And yet I still always find my drowning heart wondering why it is that I have fallen so far away from His shore.
When you allow yourself to fall away for too long, I think you start feeling too guilty to try to go back. But the truth is, our realization that we are not perfect, holy, or even moderately deserving of God’s love, is the first step back. The step that is based on grace, and not at all on our fancy, busy, showy works. We wear ourselves out and we bleed our souls dry when we are striving for perfection, instead of basking in the grace and the love of our Father. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Tonight, I am simply going to go and find rest in Him. Everything else can wait.