Tag Archives: Life

My Night in Numbers, With Words.

I’m watching my sister’s babies tonight. All four of them. My last two hours have consisted of the following: 1. Chronicles of Narnia watching 2. Cracker¬†eating 3. Book reading 4. Teeth brushing 5. Diaper changing 6. Hand washing 7. Pajama … Continue reading

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Dear Fembot:

Dear Jillian Michaels,

I know that you consider yourself a workout guru/queen/slave driver. GOOD FOR YOU. However, in your workout dvds, you rarely workout at all. You do one rep, and then you walk around and point at your little minions who are slaving away to jumping jacks and high kicks behind you while you leasurely stroll around, yelling things like, “You’ve got to give me all you’ve got if you want these abs!” in your robot-woman voice.

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I stood in the clearance aisle for about fifteen minutes next to a man who kept eyeing a giant tye-dyed peace sign. It looked like maybe you’d stick in your garden… or your attic. Alright, I’m going to be honest, this thing was horrid. Ugly sign was $15, marked down from $75. Desperate guy would walk by it, and then kind of stare around blankly at everything else down the other side of aisle, and then look back at ugly sign with sort of a wild look in his eyes. I wanted to help him… redirect him… he was clearly on the edge of losing his mind and was coming very close to making a mistake. I have a feeling that his wife must have said something to him like, “Anything from Homegoods is beautiful…Surprise me.” I had to exit the scene. I couldn’t watch. (Enter maniacal laughter.) Continue reading

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This morning I’m going to have a nice, long chat with God about how much I fail Him, and I’m going to ask Him for forgiveness, and then, because He promises He always will, He’ll forgive me completely.¬† God knows … Continue reading

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clear paths and open doors

We both cried out to God during our times of worry, but my worry, in comparison to Jesus’ worry, was that of a toddler who cries because she isn’t allowed to play with an electrical socket (How’s that for an analogy?). What must have it been like to be Jesus at that moment in the garden? How fast was His heart pounding? How much were His hands shaking? I wonder if He was worrying about how much this would all hurt His mother. I wonder if He was terrified about feeling a separation from His Father for the FIRST TIME in His entire existence. Continue reading

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bike shorts bring out my angry side.

Just know that I have never wanted to punch someone so very much. Especially someone in such tiny, awkward shorty shorts… Continue reading

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So far I have the following thoughts: writer, black ops CIA agent, yoga instructor, rockstar, Geico commercial creator, mattress critic, professional “do things even though you don’t really want to” convincor, Bachelorette commentator, candle scent maker, and Iron Chef. Continue reading

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